Thursday, October 20, 2011

Mistletoe, Really Biebs?

Two things before I start. 1) I'm more of a Justin Bieber fan than I'd like to admit. The whole sugar-coated pop thing reminds me of the nineties, and that's a win. 2) I've been watching a lot of Jenna Marbles and Randall's Animals on Youtube (two things I would highly suggest- look up "honey badger" and you won't regret it), therefore my language is profane. Excuse me.

Okay, here we go. First of all, Justin, it's fucking October. Is Christmas soon? Is it snowing yet? I don't think so. Secondly, this music video is promoting terrible things. He's flirting with this girl and you think that they're an item and stuff, and then he goes and flirts with this random blonde chick and blows off the first girl. So she gets upset (and rightfully so!) until he buys her a dress, which he wraps with a card that tells her that she's his Christmas wish (signed Justin Bieber- I would hope she would know who the fuck you are at this point) and leaves on her bed. How he got into her room undetected, we'll never know. Justin Bieber's secretly a criminal. Then he takes her to this party and makes out with her underneath the mistletoe. So basically, if you're Justin Bieber, you can blow girls off, then win their affection by buying them things and making out with them.

I have several problems with this.
First off, where does one find a random holiday party outside on such short notice? That's unrealistic.
Second, he's driving a soft top convertible. Seriously, you live in California and we don't expect you to know these things, but those of us that live in the midwest know that you don't buy soft top convertibles in places where there's snow. That was a bad move, Biebs. Also, he spends most of the video standing in the middle of a deserted street, singing. In presumably the same place as the random holiday party with all the people. Implying that there would be people. Apparently not on that street!
Third, she was clearly not dressed warmly enough for snow. Tights and heeled booties? Bitch would be slipping all over the place, there is absolutely no traction on snowy roads in general, let alone when you are running to meet your knight in shining Bieber in the middle of a snowy street. She would be on her ass in two seconds flat.
Fourth, the blonde that he was flirting with came to a party with another guy. Whom she kissed under the mistletoe. Is this implying she's a hoe? Absolutely. Bad message....
And lastly, when's the last time you came across FUCKING mistletoe? Really? REALLY? Because for me, that's never. Never been kissed under any sort of mistletoe. Never so much as encountered mistletoe. There's two types of people that put up mistletoe in public places (it's one thing to woo someone with it in private). One, there's the sad, horny bastards that are hoping that someone, somewhere will see their random mistletoe and kiss them underneath it. I'm sorry, but if I met a stranger under mistletoe, first off I probably wouldn't even notice there was mistletoe, and a stranger pointing it out to me just makes them seem desperate. But the only condition I would kiss a stranger underneath mistletoe is if they were super attractive. Does this make me superficial? No. Does this make me selectively spontaneous? Yes. The other type of person that puts mistletoe in public is that one grossly PDA-ey couple that wants to kiss under the mistletoe...in front of everyone. That's just nasty, nobody wants to see you make out, and being under a plant is not an excuse. Mistletoe with people around? Not such an incredible idea, unless they really don't care, and you're in a group of couples. Then it becomes cute until it's taken too far.

One more thing- the lyrics to this song have a very simple meaning. It goes something like this: "I should be doing all this shit to get ready for the holidays (including but not limited to hanging out with my family, making gift lists, and shopping for presents) but I'm literally going to spend all of my time under a plant, making out with you. Shawty." Biebs, you can do better than that. Not your best.

However, it is catchy. And now I've got Christmas on the brain. I guess it was good for something!

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