Laughter

The problem with the world is that we take ourselves too seriously.

Not that there aren't serious issues that we're dealing with, because we are. There's a lot of shit that we go through every day that tends to wear us down and make us feel exhausted. Mental exhaustion is one of the worst things that can happen, and unfortunately it happens too often to me.

However, laughter is the remedy.

Today, I got together with people that I haven't seen in ages. They made me laugh harder than I did in all of 2011, combined. I laughed to the point where my throat started hurting, which by the way is about half an hour past complete abdominal exhaustion. And the day was the best that I could have ever asked for.

Not that my boyfriend didn't help this as well, because he did. But laughing at random Scottish accent impersonations or reminiscing about hysterical endeavors of the past, with a group of hilarious people, made me feel amazing. There's something incredible about laughing and being with people that can make you laugh: you instantly forget everything else that's going on in your life, in your world, and you live in the moment. Additionally, people who don't take themselves seriously, thus causing laughter, are a reminder to all of us that life is supposed to be fun. We can savor the happy moments. There's nothing wrong with that. Laughter also causes people to bond together under one of the least stressful conditions that exists. There's nothing more special than being in a room with a group of people who, individually, have the capacity to reduce you to tears of laughter. Trust me.

It's possible to succeed without constantly holding your nose to the grinding stone, I promise. Some very good friends of mine reminded me of that today.

New Years Eve... What?

I know I dropped off the face of the planet for a while, and I apologize. I was doing several things that didn't involve an internet connection, such as being in conservative North Carolina with my conservative family, and going on lots of dates with my boyfriend when I was not in North Carolina. I've also been shirking responsibility, pretending to clean my house in order to host a New Years party, and lying to myself that I will, in fact, lose ten pounds by NYE (aka, tonight) in order to look super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot in my new red dress. Good game, good game. I probably gained ten instead.

Anyways, I'm afraid I haven't been feeling very poetic lately. And in my opinion, a bad blog entry isn't worth your time. So I've spared you, but I feel like I owe you one. It's been a while, hasn't it? And I miss you. So this one is for you guys.

Making New Years resolutions has always been hard for me, except for one year. I was probably clinically depressed, albeit undiagnosed, and my New Years resolution was that I was going to be happier. It worked. But since then, I've done the traditional "work out more"- lasted me through the middle of February and I got lazy. Last year I don't even think that I had one, and if I did, I failed miserably. Things were a lot different 365 days ago. I had a group of friends that wasn't crumbling apart, a stable handle on where my life was going to be for the next year, an extremely strong set of morals, a nonexistent doubt in life, and a naive projection for the future. Some of those things I still posses, but some I do not.

To be honest, I don't know what 2012 will bring. This is a very pivotal point in my life, and there are a lot of things that I'm not certain about. I don't know where I'll be- geographically, mentally, spiritually, and in my relationships with others. I can't honestly imagine what life is going to be like 365 days from now. And that thought terrifies me.

However, there are certain things to look forward to. For example, I'm not sure I'll ever lose my insecurity or my fear of the unknown, and that's a comforting thought. Seriously. It's good to know that some things will be constant, amidst the incredible change about to take place.

This thought process is inconclusive, and so is this entry. I'll check back in with you in 2012. Peace out, bitches.

Forever yours, A.G.

Quick Recap

I feel particularly obligated to blog today, and I don't know why. It's fairly early in the evening for me, but I suppose that's a bad thing. I need to get my sleep schedule back on track.

Today has been the most fun that I've had in a while. It was filled with amazing people and amazing conversation. I baked cookies with my best friend, her love interest, and my boyfriend today, and we laughed so hard we thought we were going to cry. We kept one another on our toes all afternoon, and it was amazingly fun. I miss them all.

I then went back to my boyfriend's house for a family dinner. Of course, we sat at the table for close to two hours afterwards, just talking and laughing. His family are truly some of the most amazing people that I've ever met, and I always feel extremely blessed to spend as much time with them as I do. It's a breath of fresh air, and it always warms my heart to see a family interact in such a way as theirs do. They're genuinely happy people that are genuinely happy to be spending time together. Also, they're hilarious, which doesn't hurt.

Hopefully I'll be in a more poetic mood as Christmas comes along. By the way, regardless of whatever holiday you celebrate, I hope it's a happy, joyous, merry one.

This Week = WTF

I literally cannot comprehend the amount of things going on in my head right now. Coming from someone who constantly has approximately seventy six things going through her head at any given moment, that's saying something.

I can't even start at a coherent point in my day, that's how disoriented I am. First off, my sister is on crutches for the next four weeks or so because she tore her MCL a little and has a contusion on her bone or something. I don't know, but she's out for a while. Which is awesome for her, and it makes me sad. She's flying with crutches to North Carolina I suppose. Why is she always injured when we take planes places?

Then, there's the fact that it's finals week. I hate finals. They stress me out, even though I don't care about them. I'll be fine. Completely. But stress is running high and so everyone is tweaking out, which is fantastic, and making me tweak as well.

This weekend, at a study party, one of my friends got another one of my friends absolutely drunk and then invited more people over, who promptly took her to the basement and tried to coax her deepest, darkest secrets out of her. And then tried to keep it from me. Real fucking mature. First of all, like I care, second of all, like I'd tell anyone or report her, third of all, suggesting she drink to cope with her stress was just a bad game plan from the get-go. Newsflash, girl who told her to drink an entire glass of tequila when she didn't have any weed to smoke to "calm her down", you have a problem. Good luck in life, dumbass.

But that's not the only thing. We're literally living in the tornado of a soap-opera, a.k.a. one of our friends lives, and she's literally being so dramatic over everything that she's getting on everyone's nerves. Not like she doesn't normally, but more so than usual. Have I mentioned that nobody really likes her? So that's awesome. But apparently her and her ex-boyfriend, who's life she ruined, are now on good terms again. Even though he still loves her and she wants nothing to do with him romantically. Good terms? I don't think so.

And it gets better. One of my other friends decided it would be a fantastic idea to plan on bringing a flask to New Years. Seriously? Stay home. If you want to get drunk, don't do it around us. We not only don't want to be around that for the time that we spend together, but you're also the most annoying drunk on the planet. You throw up everywhere. I'm not taking care of that, or of you, on New Years. Find some other friends to hang out with.

Also, I'm so over this natural hibernation thing. Apparently nobody informed my body that a. I wasn't starving to death and that b. I wasn't a bear, so it seems to require more food. So I gain weight. But part of that is simply due to stress, I think. Oh well, fuck that. I still have a few months until swimsuit season.

My family de-stresses me, that I'll admit, but we rarely have time to spend together since we're constantly running around doing a million things. Especially preparing for Christmas. Did anyone mention that it was in six days? I will say that my friends are great for venting, though.

The only person that, no matter what, takes the time to listen to my stressors and calms me down is someone that I don't particularly want to burden with my stressors. Oh, and he's 213 miles away.

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

I came across these tips, and I couldn't help but be taken aback. Because I know that I'm guilty of 25/30 on any given day, and more on some days. But these are especially applicable to my life at the current state, so I'll share them with you now.

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people.
2. Stop running from your problems.
3. Stop lying to yourself.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner
5. Stop trying to be someone you're not.
6. Stop trying to hold on to the past.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.
11. Stop being idle.
12. Stop thinking you're not ready.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn't work.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else.
16. Stop being jealous of others.
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.
18. Stop holding grudges.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn't.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone.
28. Stop worrying so much.
29. Stop focusing on what you don't want to happen.
30. Stop being ungrateful.

Besides those, just go out and live your life. There's nothing stopping you from living the life that makes you happy. If you live your life to please others, you lose your own happiness along the way. Stay true to who you are, and what you believe in. Keep those that support you close, and don't bother spending time doing things that don't make you happy. Remember: you are loved. Believe in yourself. Don't wear a mask in front of others, and don't be a people-pleaser: it's basically the same offense. Everything's an act when you're pleasing everyone.

Love life. Live life to love it.

Dear D

Okay, here's the thing. I don't appreciate your nasty tweets about me. Just say it the fuck to my face. And just because I'm hanging out with some guy at rehearsal doesn't mean I'm any less faithful to my boyfriend. You've never once allowed me to be friends with who I want, because whenever I hang out with guys one-on-one, you always claim that people talk and are saying mean things about me. Well guess what. Nobody thinks that. I'm a nice person, and nobody thinks I'm a slut. Lunch with a boy during a rehearsal break doesn't indicate a relationship failing on my part, not does it mean that I'm cheating on my boyfriend. When, by the way, your ex's only constant complaint about you was that you were all over other guys in front of him. So you can do that, yet I can't scratch a guy's head or hug another guy when hanging out with my friends? Your excuse is that everyone knows you're joking. Well they know that about me too! Nobody suspects me of cheating, except maybe my loser of an ex. I'm faithful to my boyfriend. Completely. Absolutely. And he knows that.

So get your nose and tweets out of my fucking business and take some of your own advice.

I Figured It Out

The reason why I'm so miserable all the time is because I'm tired of living up to other people's expectations of me.

I'm tired of worrying how I dress and how it will portray me to society.
I'm tired of worrying about what I post on social networking because I'm afraid that it'll make people think badly of me.
I'm tired of being afraid that what I'm saying will get me judged or laughed at.
I'm tired of constantly making sure I'm being proper.
I'm tired of following the rules because I'm afraid of getting into a little bit of trouble.
I'm sick of being the cautious one.
I'm tired of dragging people down to my mellowness because I don't want things to get crazy.
I'm tired of being reserved.
I'm done with being too swept up in life not to enjoy the ride.
I'm sick and tired of doing what others say, just because they think it's a good idea.
I'm tired of repressing my thoughts because I'm afraid of what I'll say, and what others will think of that.
I'm tired of being afraid to branch out.

I need to get out of this place.