So picture this. I'm babysitting a fourth grader. He's eleven, if you didn't want to do the math. We're watching the packers game and in a commercial break, a Viagra commercial comes on, as they so often do. Why during football games? To attract the demographic that believes they should still be able to have sex like they're younger than fourty.
Anyways, this commercial comes on. The eleven year old, after hearing the legal disclaimer, turns to me and says "how can your heart not be healthy enough for sex?" Now, Girl Scout babysitting class did NOT prepare me for this question to be asked, let me tell you that much. Trying to dance around the question, I said that sex raises your heart rate, like exercise does. Apparently, that wasn't a good enough answer. He said that sex, "like making out and stuff" isn't like exercise. While trying to find the appropriate response to that comment, he dropped the atomic bomb of questions about this entire situation:
"Do you know how babies are made? Like, with the boy's...thing and the girl's.....?"
I said yes, and dreaded what came after that. Rightfully so. The next thing that came out of his mouth? "That's so gross. Does the boy actually have to put his penis in the vagina?" I was too far past avoiding the topic all together, so I had to answer honestly.
The payoff was oh so sweet. In between exclaiming "that's GROSS!" over and over, he managed to ask some more questions and add some more comments:
"Do you HAVE to to get a baby?"
"You only have to do it once, right? Not once per baby?"
"How far does it have to go in?"
"Why can't you just spit in the girls mouth while making out and then get a baby? Why do you have to use your privates?"
"How far does it have to go in?"
"And the semen has to....ugh...."
"Well the girl just has to lie there like this (he assumed the doggy-style position, for some reason) so its easier for her. But the boy has to, like, use his thing...."
"That's so GROSS! Are you ever going to let a boy do that to you?"
"Its good you only have to do it once to get a baby."
"I guess you might get used to the grossness after a few times..."
Honestly, that would be payment enough for three and a half hours of babysitting (but I'm not going to complain when I get paid!). Also, I can't wait for this kid to be exposed to junior high and high school. Or porn. Or puberty.
Welcome to real life, bitches.
On a related note, I explained to my mom what Plan B was today. Evidently I'm the expert on things related to and including sex.
Irony is oh-so-sweet.
No comments:
Post a Comment