Prescriptions

Now, this is really embarrassing. Please don't judge me.

Today, I went to a podiatrist because I have warts on my feet, and I learned several things, both about warts and about podiatrists. Let me explain.

For one, a quick look to the wall on the right of the exam room showed me that an official title of a member of the American Center for Foot and Podiatry Doctors (or some other longass acronym like that) is a Fellow. Congratulations, you're a Fellow. I thought that was amusing.

Also, I learned that you're more susceptible to warts when you're stressed, and tired, and sick. Good thing I'm ALL of those, all the time. Fuck.

I learned that prescribing ulcer medication helps warts, because the T antibodies are the same in ulcer repulsion as wart repulsion. Believe me, my parents were confused as hell when I told them I needed to be on ulcer medication, but I guess it works.

Also, I was prescribed medication from a pharmacy that mixes their own drugs, which the doctor assured me were "all legal, of course." Hmm....

For the final thing, he prescribed me a PedEgg. Yep, those things on the infomercials? I now have one. And TRUST ME when I tell you that cheese-grating the bottom of your foot is a little bit scary. A lot bit scary. I bled. Only one time, and I bleed all the time, but still. You're GRATING your fucking foot. It's not as easy as they make it look on TV.

The doctor confuses me. What would compel someone to want to look at feet all day?