Spring Break

So, even though it isn't upon me yet, spring break is causing quite a bit of drama and stress in my life. Namely because I'm going to Cancun with four other girls, three of whom are skinnier than me and one of which is a lesbian.

Generally speaking, I'm the most attractive out of the five of us, I'm not going to deny myself that. The lesbian doesn't compete with me, so I'm fine with her. Out of the other three, one is a huge bitch, one is incredibly dumb, and the other is annoying and insane. I'm the one that guys tend to like and appreciate, which is mostly (I think) because of my personality and the fact that I'm easy to talk to and be around.

All of that is fantastic, and far better than sheer physical attractiveness, in every situation except in the case of spring break hookups.

Now, I know the three other girls didn't get skinny the right way. Well, one of them is just a size 00 freak of nature, but the other two have struggled with eating disorders. If you've read previous posts, I've commented on how even though I would never resort to one, I understand that people do because they show results. I, on the other hand, eat well, get enough exercise, and just kind-of let my body do it's thing. Which means that I have, by product of genetics, "child-bearing hips," as a male friend of mine put it. That's fucking fantastic when oh, I don't know, bearing children, but in any other situation it sucks. Absolutely sucks. So, to recap, by doing the healthy thing for my body, I ended up being the biggest girl in my spring break group.

The four straight girls went shopping today for some swimwear and such, and I got increasingly self-conscious as the day went on and I was constantly comparing myself against the other girls' figures. They noticed something was up about me, but didn't know what it was because I was too embarassed to tell them.

Eventually, the girl that I'm closest to in that group (the 00 freak of nature) pulled me aside for the sake of buying a breadstick and asked what was wrong. I figured that I had nothing to lose by telling her, so I did. She pressured me to buy an ice cream cone, but I refused, so I guess that was a good thing. Overall, it helped to just talk to someone about it, because I also felt ignored through the whole process and it helped that she now knew what was causing me stress. She reassured me that I looked really good in the bikini that I bought (which I know she's obligated to do because she's a good friend, but it made me feel better all the same) and told me that she was always jealous of my hips, which helped for the little that it was worth.

But if I'm this worried and stressed while shopping for clothes for spring break, how bad will it be once we're actually on spring break? I just don't want all of my friends to be hotter than me on vacation.