Sea Anchor

I got together with a very good friend of mine today at Dunkin Donuts to talk. I've been feeling overwhelmed and stressed lately, and I needed a person to talk to. This particular friend of mine is a guidance counselor at a school nearby, and is the one that truly inspired my interest in counseling psychology. After talking things out with him for a while, we got around to what was really on my mind. A certain ex of mine, or rather the memory of him, has been recently in control of decisions I'm making regarding my love life. It was bugging me and I couldn't figure out why, so when the topic came up, I was grateful that someone was going to listen and actually help me. He suggested that my ex boyfriend was like a sea anchor, preventing me from reaching my destination as quickly as I'd like. The destination being my new relationship, with a super amazing guy. He told me I needed to sever the ties holding the sea anchor to my sailboat, because pulling the anchor in would take a whole lot of strength. So this is me, severing my sea anchor ties and moving on, swiftly, towards the harbor. Thank you M.

To My Ex-Boyfriend:

Thank you. Thank you for fucking up my life, and then making a huge dramatic affair about it. I had to break up with you three times because you couldn't get it into your head, so that's awesome. Then you went and told all my friends a twisted story that you concocted that made me look like this horrible person and turned them all against me. I found out tonight that you thought I cheated on you? And you didn't tell me? Fuck you. You should know me better than to think I would ever do anything like that to you, and you should believe me when I say nothing happened on my retreat. You can't handle the thought of me going away for a week? You thought something happened to make me lose interest in you? Do you really think I would lie about anything happening? Thank you, for judging my character correctly, giving me the benefit of the doubt, trusting me, believing me, and knowing me well. Oh wait, you did none of that. Fuck you.

Californ-i-a

Cali was BEAUTIFUL! We spent a few days in King's Canyon and Sequoia national parks, then spent two days in Yosemite and a day in San Francisco. Whilst in Yosemite, we took a rock climbing class on crack climbing and equipment. We were able to learn how to jam ourselves into little crevices and create hand and footholds for ourselves using cracks. We also learned how to smear, which is when you create footholds on solid granite walls using little to no help from the rock. It was fascinating how, in a day, we were able to accomplish so much. After the day we spent in San Francisco (take the cable car, do NOT walk far. You will never walk on such steep inclines in your life), we hit the road to head back to Fresno, where our flight was the next day. We saw advertisements for the Gaylor Garlic Fest, which is apparently really famous, so we stopped by. We had garlic ice cream, which was evidently the special there. It wasn't half bad, actually....
Overall, it was a lovely time of a week.

You're Trying to Blend Chocolate Chips....

   We cut our first vacation a little short, so I had a few days in town before I leave for California tomorrow for a week, on the 7am flight. Remember that guy I posted about in "Love Life? Please..."? The kiss-on-the-cheek guy? Well he's now a kiss-on-the-lips guy. When he heard I'd have a few days in town, he jumped at the chance to invite me over for dinner Saturday night. I hadn't met his family, really, and his sister and her husband were in for the evening too, so the five of us (me, his mom, his sister, her husband, and him) made quite a group. They let me help out a little, then we all sat down to some good eating and some awesome table conversation.
   Background time: from the moment I stepped in that door, I've only felt more welcome in a home when the home was mine. He had told his mom just enough about me so that she had some background and was able to ask me things about my past vacation, my upcoming vacation, school, tons of things. However, he hadn't told her enough so that she was pushy. Wonderful mix. Also, their family laughs more than any other family I've ever encountered, and every moment spent in their presence was a wonderful one. I even was dubbed a nickname- '35', for my ACT score (the context was much more endearing, they said I was too smart to fall for any of their usual riddles and such).  Overall, lovely people. His mom was one of the nicest women ever, and it seemed like both her and the rest of the party viewed me and my friend as an item, but only subtly so that I wouldn't have known he had a thing for me if he hadn't told me at 2:30 the previous morning, in the midst of a massive thunderstorm. I later inferred that he'd clearly talked about me to his family before I got there.
   Anyways, after dinner, the two of us tucked in for a movie and some TV, and he made his moves subtly but surely (that phrase is going to be the next big thing, I swear!), by kissing my cheek, holding my hand, rubbing my arm, the usual. I stayed late due to yet another storm that I didn't want to drive home in, but by the time I finally left, I was treated to the now-familiar kiss on the cheek, along with a kiss on the lips. Slight, restrained, but powerful.
   This morning, we went out to brunch after church and he, being the gentleman, picked up the bill. He then asked me what I wanted to do, and I claimed we should go walk his dogs, because his mom commented how little time they all spent with the dogs after he and his siblings went to school. So we took the dogs for a walk, then went back to the house, where his mom had come back from wherever she was. We sat and chatted for a bit, then she expressed that she should make cookies for that evening, as they were going to a relative's house for dinner. So, we made cookies.
   After a while of beating the batter (they were brownie cookies), he noticed the lumps in it weren't going away. He asked me for my "baking expertise", to which I laid my hand on his arm and said "you're trying to blend chocolate chips." Totally serious, and his mom just lost it. He looked a bit sheepish, and it was all worthwhile. We talked for a while more as the cookies were being done, then he showed me his room. I put on a pair of his shoes right when I walked in, and it took him five minutes to notice. When he did notice, he was all smiles. We talked for a long time, about anything and everything. I then drove him back to his car, where we had left it (at the brunch place). As we were saying goodbye, we shared a longer kiss than the night previous. He texted me about an hour later and told me how his mom wouldn't stop talking about me, and how she said I was really nice. We're keeping up the flirty banter through text, but I don't think either of us are really sure where this thing is going! Oh well, live in the moment.
   He has a stellar memory and remembers details far more often than I. He's the sweetest guy, and I hope to have more to blog about when I come back from California! Cheers.

Lightning

Currently, as I drive home from a roadtrip we took to North Carolina, the night sky is being split by the image of lightning, striking behind a thick cloud layer. Never have I seen something so majestic in my life. That revelation could, however, be the product of sitting in a car all day with nothing but nevershoutnever Pandora, two (and two too many) Nora Roberts novels, and the luxurious road to keep me and my family company. Either way, it's a beautiful and amazing sight.

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Resolution

That ex-boyfriend I posted about a few days ago? I decided to text him today and make ends meet. After assurance that it wasn't a completely tactless method of communication, I composed my carefully crafted thoughts in such a way that confirmed that I had no intentions of throwing myself headlong into another relationship with him, and that I felt defensive as he so carefully backed me into a corner the other week and I lashed out, desperate for some reprive, anything to shift the blame of the situation off myself. The only thing I needed to do, however, was accept responsibility completely for my actions, not my words, and move on, suggesting he do the same. Cheers for finished matters.

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Love life? Please.

It's been a month or so since I last posted- not that any of my "avid followers" missed me, because I have none. But since I last wrote, I broke up with my boyfriend- who isn't letting me go. He's under the impression that I want to get back together with him and so he's got to do all that he can to win me back. He's in Hawaii currently. But another guy came into the picture recently. We'd hung out before this week, once or twice, we're friends, we have a lot of mutual friends. I actually dated one of his close friends two years previous. Anyhow, we hung out on Wednesday night, I gave him a stick shift driving lesson, and we went out to eat. Low-key, after church, no big deal. But when we hugged goodbye, he kissed me on the cheek. Not overly pushy, but flirtatious enough to catch my attention. Tonight, he came over to my house to make puppy chow and watch a movie and TV, and the farewell was the same- a courteous kiss on the cheek. And, as I leave town tomorrow morning for a two week vacation, he asked me when I would be returning- and made sure he knew the answer. He's super friendly and nice, and I'm not sure what exactly is happening at this point. Stay tuned.