I'm a walking contradiction. I claim it's because I refuse to let people put me into a box based on my gender, my activities, or what they assume to be true about me.
I'm a sorority girl, in fact, I'm our VP Recruitment. Making me, by stereotype and definition, the Most Sorority of All Sorority Girls. I'm the one that tells everyone what to wear to recruitment events, where to sit, how to eat, how to speak, and which topics to avoid. I have to be uber concerned with the superficiality of the entire situation because, like it or not, it's important.
I'm also living in a frat this summer. Nothing makes me happier than kicking back with the bros, grilling a steak, and enjoying a beer (or eight). Often, I do this in sorority letters, with a bow in my hair and pearl earrings on. People high-five me when I burp, and I usually get bonus praise if I'm wearing eyeliner at the same time.
People don't expect other people to be so willing and able to defy labels. And might we remember, I'm living in Berkeley, among arguably one of the most accepting and progressive groups of people in this country.
People laugh with me, but very rarely at me. People are often surprised by me. People usually don't know what to do with me. I've been praised, complimented, told that I'm appreciated because I "just don't give a fuck".
That's not entirely true. I give lots of fucks. I don't go around living my life with the express purpose of defying stereotypes and surprising people. Do I do it often? Yes. Do I enjoy it? Absolutely. But do I act for the sole purpose of acting out, or gently pushing the status quo? Sometimes. But more often than not, I just do what I think makes me happy. And I absolutely give fucks. I care very much about people close to me, people that I love. I'm a fiercely loyal friend. I examine problems critically. I put in tons of effort to my education and my job. I care about my own health and well being, and I care about my happiness. I care about my sorority, and the obligations I have to them (including my position as VP Recruitment). I care so much about the things in my life that I deem worthy of my attention. And acting a certain way to perpetuate some stereotypes about my gender or any other group that I happen to fit into isn't something that I deem worthy of my attention.
Today, I talked on the phone for 45 minutes with my dad. In our conversation, we discussed a ton of things, one of which was my upcoming job. I had some questions about my W-4, so he was helping me out. In the same breath, though, I complained to him about how upset I was with the agency that had done my drug testing, because they had cut a square inch of my hair out. He sympathized with me, and told me how angry he would be because "hair doesn't just grow back and it's not like you have short hair or anything". Too true dad. The next sentence out of my mouth was "So I'm thinking of buying an Xbox for my room next year, do you think I should get a 24" or a 32" TV?". I went from complaining about my hair to talking about gaming systems, and he wasn't surprised in the slightest. And you wouldn't be either, if you knew me. It's just who I am.
I don't think it's superficial to care about your appearance (as I just spent $150 on a bag and business clothes for my job training next weekend), and I don't think it's "too boy-ey" for a girl to own an Xbox. I can cook very well, and I'm respected for it by guys and girls alike (because I don't do it to seem domestic, and when someone suggested to me that cooking was a "women's" thing to do, I snapped back that my dad did all the cooking in my house and I learned from him, and if he had any more comments about cooking being girly he could save them because I was going to go grill a steak thank you very much). I have a very large appreciation for good beer, which two different (guy) friends of mine have told me is their favorite thing about me. I think they were kidding about it being their absolute favorite thing, but oh well.
I don't think it's too forward for girls to express interest in guys. This past week, I (maybe too brazenly/obviously/boldly) just walked over to my neighbor's and knocked on the door and told him I wanted to hang out with him (which in Fratland is equivalent to saying "I want to snuggle with you and watch a movie and maybe make out with your face a little bit), walked into his room, and sat down. Not usually something that [sober] girls do, but I don't understand why. I wanted to see him, so I went out of my way to let him know that. And after I had done that, I couldn't help feeling like I had "come on too strong", or I hadn't been "coy" enough, or I had somehow failed at being a girl because I didn't sit on my ass and wait for a boy to come and whisk me away. I thought this boy was very cute and very interesting and thought we got along well, so I took the initiative. What's wrong with that? (P.S. "nothing" is the only correct answer to that query).
I have a wicked sense of humor, and by that I mean that I refuse to take myself seriously and often laugh at how ironic/unfortunate/coincidental my blunders are. I laugh at myself so much that I'm impossible to actually make fun of and offend. Because I've already done it to myself, and believe me, I'm a much harder critic on myself than you could ever be.
I'm done ranting, mostly. I'm just praised so often for refusing to fit into a box, and I'm at best, confused by this and at worst, angered. Because that praise means that I'm doing something novel, something that's somehow noteworthy enough to praise. And granted, I think that I'm doing a pretty damn good job at going through life and making choices for myself and doing it gracefully, and it's nice to hear reassurance, but I'm not reinventing the wheel here. I'm not drastically defying status quos left and right, and I'm not trying to make some sort of statement.
I'm trying to act in a manner that makes me happy. I'm trying to do the things that I love with the people that I love, and I'm trying to live my life in a way that I want to and that, when I look back one, ten, twenty or fifty years from now, that I'll be proud of. That's not novel, that's not groundbreaking, and that's not revolutionary. At least, it shouldn't be.
That's living your own damn life and being unapologetic for doing so.
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