Hey y'all,
We're in the swing of the spring season all over again- every year that the temperatures threaten to warm up, social media whips into a frenzy of diets, cleanses, and detoxes to get your "Spring Break Beach Bod!" My roommate made it her New Year's resolution to work out every single day (to each her own, but the only things I do every day are wake up, brush my teeth, eat, and go to bed). Over the years of living with so many women, I've seen girls through the ups and the downs of juice cleanses, gluten-free periods, vegan trials, and in more extreme cases, disordered eating and full blown body image disorders.
I'm not at my skinniest right now, and I'm not at my most athletic. In less than three weeks, I'm going to be wearing a swimsuit for a week straight. Yet, I haven't changed my workout pattern or my diet at all. I'm still chugging along at normal pace, despite the fact that I'm going to have pictures taken of me, and quite a few of them at that.
"The horror! You're not worried about how you're going to look? Pictures are forever!" But honestly, I've gone through periods of disordered eating. I've had an unhealthy relationship with my body before, and that was a rough couple of years. I know now that I look back on those periods of my life, both figuratively and through pictures, and see myself having a good time. I don't look at my stomach, or my thighs, or my insecurities. I look at my smile and my friends and focus on my mentality. And there are some pictures that I absolutely hate. But, the pictures exist whether I love them or despise them, whether I notice my "problem areas" or not. So the thing I've learned to do is make peace with them.
If you had asked me five years ago what one of my biggest fears was, I would have responded "being anything bigger than a size four on my 21st birthday" because, apparently in 16-year-old me's mind, my 21st birthday was some sort of milestone that I really didn't want to be "fat" for.
I have given 16-year-old me a lecture on what "fat" means and that apparently I wasn't designed to be a size four. This is okay, because I'm 5'8'' and not a small person. I have made peace with the fact that I'm not a small person, and now embrace the fact that I'm a strong, solid person that may never be thrown over someone's shoulder aimlessly, but could probably do some damage in a boxing ring. I've run two half marathons now, taken dozens of kickboxing classes, gone rock climbing in Yosemite, and I can leg press my dad. So what if I've got almost fifty pounds on my roommate? I also have seven inches on her, killer curves, and an athletic lifestyle. My body allows me to do so many things, and it takes care of me. So I take care of it.
Yes, the pictures that are taken on my coming vacation will last forever. But when I'm 40, I'm going to be showing them off proudly to my kids and mentally focusing on the fact that I was in Bonaire with my dad and one of my best friends, both of whom I love dearly. I'm going to be focusing on the fish and the wildlife and the laughter, on my goofy windbreaker and my horrible mask lines. I'm not going to be focusing on (or even remember) what size swimsuit I wore or how much I weighed (I honestly haven't stepped on a scale for months so I couldn't tell you if I wanted to).
And with that peace of mind, I can sleep soundly knowing that I ate a whole pizza today.
-AG
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